Waking up, day after day, first thought – he is gone. 

Get up, work at shaking off darkness, and move feet forward.

Everyday, the same.

Most days able to function, able to progress.

Some days, succumbing to the darkness, falling into the hole inside my heart.

Pleading to see him, touch him, talk to him, hold him, and begging to fix this.

How in world does any mother survive this?

Asking, myself, what are you going to do?

Looking at the break in the timeline,

The day he left.

Watching the layers peel and continue to break in an aftermath of aftershocks from the turbulent quake that shook all of our worlds together and separately.



Falling, getting up, falling, and once again, getting up.

A life in slow motion reels, before me, inside me, behind me.

Detached from any destination but searching for a port to land softly, where things fit back together, where things make sense.

No hands on my hand, no brush on the shoulder.

No presence, no signs.

No one telling me that everything will be ok.

Increasingly exhausted, no more strength to hide behind.

Just a need for a hug, a cup of warmth, and someone to listen.

Leslie Beery, The Surviving Project scan0179

Leslie is the mother of 4 adult children with one of the 4 recently lost to suicide. She is a suicide survivor. Leslie is a writer, IT Professional, business owner, and dreamer. She has experience with addiction counseling and has prided herself to be a general go to person for anything that needs fixing or figuring out. She worked in corporate America and then dropped out to form her own businesses. Leslie is the founder of The Surviving Project and now devotes her work time and skills to assisting those left to survive after a suicide or any other complicated grief. Leslie is the proud Grandmother of her lost son’s two daughters and her youngest daughter’s two sons, and oldest daughter’s daughter….