If I were a betting person I would bet on the horse that was the fattest, slowest, and the one that looked to be the loneliest of the bunch.  If I had one risk to take for the rest of my life, it would be the risk of being accepted.  If I only had one wish, I would wish for my life to be complete.  If I could pick the last thing I would do on this earth, it would definitely be to hold my family in my arms.
I am 100% sincere in all of those statements.
Sincerity is a treasure.  We “mine” for it every day in everything we do.  We go to work, do our job, and put in the extra efforts in hopes of getting a sincere thank you and some recognition.  We screw up and offer up sincere apologies to people.  We look backwards at times and hold sincere regrets for what we have done and not done in our lives.  We sincerely sign letters to friends, family, and co-workers in an attempt to express a true sincerity inside us.
Children are sincere with their love and intentions in life.  They are innocent to the pain and anguish that alters an adult mind.  A child loves unconditionally and whole heartedly.  A child does not understand stress, worry, annoyances like we do.  We teach them that crap usually or they pick it up bit by bit from reactions, examples, television, movies, etc….
A clean slate develops deep marks as time wears on.
When I was a kid I can remember looking at adults faces and reading the emotion and then putting it in either a good bucket or a bad bucket.  You see, I was a talker..I loved to talk and I loved to jump.  I had high energy and high speed on my mouth.  This usually did not go over well with adults so I learned when I was annoying someone usually pretty quickly.  Numerous times I was pulled aside and simply told to shut up.  Anger faces scared me mostly and it was a welcome occurrence when someone smiled and enjoyed me for who I was.
The spirit dies over time.  The jumps turn to hops then turn to nothing.  The talking is hushed to a whisper then ceases to exist at all.  A child’s energy can be striken and killed without anyone even knowing they have committed the crime.
I became shy and quiet, and truly I have no idea if being hushed so many times had anything to do with that.  It could have just been fear of the world and fear of someone knowing what my life was at home.
As a child I had no idea that anything was “wrong”.  How the hell would I know. But then you get a little older and you feel different, not because anyone told you that you were different…you just feel it.  Then you start to figure out that maybe something IS wrong, but you cannot put your finger on it….you don’t know enough about anything as a child to understand what exactly IS wrong and why you feel so different and crappy.
So then you start experiencing insincerity.  It plagues you and starts to show you a different side of things.  You start to see those angry faces on not just adults but also other children.  You become a bitch before you even know what the word means.
Now mind you I was not a bully as a kid, far from it.  But I think I could have been if I had some confidence or if I was a boy….(which is a whole other story since being a boy when I was a kid was like being the chosen child of a family).  Girls were just worker bees to the family and popped out babies.  But I digress….
I wonder if bullies start their reign of terror by NOT actually knowing what is wrong.  I wonder if they are taught their frightening behaviors from the adults around them.
I knew a group of women that would get together once a week and have coffee, even through the summer when their kids were out of school.  During the summer and on any school breaks they would just drag the kids along.  When I was a kid I would not have hung around that table and listened like those kids did.  I think it is just different times.  I DO know I felt extremely uncomfortable.  The women constantly gossiped about other mothers not present, other children, and anyone that they thought had a scandalous story to repeat (with flair added for effects).
This gave the older children ammunition to lay hate on each other or on other kids that were not there.  It proved to be too much information for a child and used in the wrong way.  All learned from a group of adults.  I quit going and I am sure I became one of the scandalous stories at that very table I once sat at.
There is just so much that is bothersome about the bully or the gossips or anyone that hates.  If someone terrorizes you over and over you become hardened yourself.  You build a wall to avoid the pain and anguish.  You walk a different way to school, you wear a different outfit, you do your hair different, you keep your mouth shut.  And in some instances you use what you are taught by the bully to maybe bully someone else.  So we are all affected.  The bullies and the ones that are bullied.  We all form a union inside a Venn diagram.  Symbolically we are represented inside a set that intersects and overlaps.  We have been studied, analyzed, theorized, psychologized….
People die because of bullies and bullies die because they bully and have been bullied themselves.
So where did sincerity go?  Sure the saying “girls will be girls” didn’t just appear in the 90’s or 2000’s.  Or the standard bully in grade school beating up kids and taking their lunch money. That didn’t just start yesterday.   Bullies are portrayed far back early in books and movies.  Bullies are as old as life on this planet itself.  I am sure in some instance the caveman that had the largest club would bully the other cave dwellers to get what he or (she) wanted.  Yes I know (she) was a far stretch in that example.  But really what happened to sincerity?
Sincerity. noun, plural -ties.  freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness. Synonyms: candor, frankness.
I was born with it, just like any other baby on this planet.  We are sincere when we come into this world and we continue to be sincere through many years until we are affected by those we come in contact with.
My thoughts today are all about sincerity. Theorists argue that sincerity is not a virtue in Western culture and causes the destruction of anything sincere in its beginnings.  They say we do it to ourselves.  They say that our lack of sincerity has created a culture and society that our ancestors would shudder at.
I strive to be sincere in my words and actions. I am not perfect at any of it and I lack the ability to see clearly at times and decipher between bullying, terrorizing, and just being damn mad.  I think I am sincere about a lot of things in my life but I know I need to work on my sincerity in many areas.
Sincerity is the virtue of one who speaks and acts truly about his or her own feelings, thoughts, and desires.  And, I sincerely love you and want to help you and want to support you during your grief and struggles.  That is sincere and I stand by it.