Feeling lost inside your grief in a normal feeling. I recall the early days and months of my grief and how debilitating it was, and then as time went on I just felt plain lost inside of the grief. Really never knowing when it would hit and not understanding a pattern or triggers…I was winging it and in some cases, failing. I could not stand it when someone would tell me that it would take time, or that time will help to heal your wounds.
Time? Heal?
It just made me so angry that someone could say that I was not going to get better anytime soon….and then in the next breath I would be so mad that they referred to “getting better” since how in the world could anyone get better from losing a child to suicide?
I am here to say that time did help.
And, it has gotten better.
This weekend I was talking with someone through The Surviving Project and explaining how I have “friended” my grief and how I had to learn how to sit with my grief and how we (my grief and I) had to learn how to get along. It was a process and I still have bad days but I have more good days now, less bad days and less things trigger me into a dark place.
There are lists on the internet of what not to say to a person that is grieving. There are also lists of canned phrases to put in cards, prompts for conversation, and ideas of what to do for someone after a family member has passed away.
Those are there because it is uncomfortable, painful, and for most it is somewhat new ground.
Living it is also uncomfortable, painful and for a lot of us, new ground.
Lose the unreasonable expectations on yourself and instead give yourself permission to navigate and find your way.
Be kind to yourself.